We all know how Milkinson died in 'Snow Falling on Peters', but very few know how he lived. This is Milkinson's story.
Milkinson Rogerst Jacobs Jr. was born in the Upper West Side of New York City. On his eleventh birthday, he decided that he did not like his middle or last name, only his first name. He threw a tantrum, threatening to burn his face on the stove unless his parents let him legally change his name to only Milkinson. They allowed the change, and a few weeks later, he was Milkinson and Milkinson only.
Milkinson had a penis like a woolly mammoth's face, sans tusks. When he was eighteen, he had sex with the captain of the women's badminton team at his school. She came several times, and by the end of it all, had a cunt like the inverse of a woolly mammoth's face, sans tusks.
The next day, she missed the final Badminton game of the season, as she was sick at home with cunt pains. The team lost without her.
Her parents were livid. They offered Milkinson a check for one million dollars to leave the state and never contact their daughter again. Milkinson took the money, and flew out to California the next day.
Milkinson had always wanted to visit California. As a youth he'd had a babysitter named Julia Roberts. She quit the job in order to pursue a Hollywood career, which devastated Milkinson. She had been his favorite sitter, and his first crush.
When Milkinson arrived in Los Angeles, he bought star map after star map, trying to find one with Julia's address on it. None did. At a bar, he complained of his woes to a stranger sitting next to him. That stranger turned out to be Robert The Niro.
The Niro took Milkinson over to the phones and showed him a phone book. Milkinson flipped through it, and lo and behold, Julia was listed. Milkinson was overjoyed. The Niro was aroused.
The Niro pulled his penis out and twirled it like a twirly snake at Milkinson. Milkinson clapped with glee; it was a phenomenal trick. The Niro dragged the now hypnotized Milkinson into the bathroom and fucked his face with his skinny twirly snake penis. The twirly snake penis slid down Milkinson's entire throat and into his stomach, where it drank all of Milkinson's stomach acid, then promptly left the way it came.
Milkinson lay devastated on the floor of the bathroom. The Niro was gone, and he was all alone. He had been robbed of all his stomach acid and would not be able to digest any food without it.
He ran out of the bar in search of a late-night stomach acid shop that was still open. None were.
If you think Milkinson should try and cultivate his own stomach acid in a basement laboratory somewhere, turn to page 68.
If you think stomach acid is overrated and Milkinson can do without it entirely, turn to page 99.
To be continued...
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
Heroes
The chamber was beginning to fill up with water. It was about eight feet tall and about four feet wide and made of dark black concrete. There wasn't a lot of space in it. The male in the chamber looked at his female. He gazed at her lovingly as the gentle stream of water poured over her body. They weren't going to be able to escape; this was where they would die. They were captured spies and the foreign government would never let them go, for with them, dozens of secrets would flow out as well. Her pert nipples were showing through the rather minimal clothing she was wearing. The water had made her top into something far more diaphanous than the makers had probably intended. Her breasts were basically fully visible and begging to be caressed. The man thought about the things he had witnessed: rape, murder, poverty, and suffering, amongst other things commonly only experienced in nightmares. He felt himself beginning to become erect as he vividly recalled a car chase that concluded with the death of a poor family and the destruction of their neighbor's home. As he squeezed her firm buttocks, he thought about how he had just continued after the perpetrator, not even pausing for a moment to dig through the mangled bodies below his automobile. They bathed in flames just as he would bathe in the juices of his woman.
She was wet, both externally and internally. She wanted him before she died. They would not worry about contraceptives, even though they had both been briefed time and time again about their importance in the prevention of sexually transmitted diseases. Although spreading sexual disease would be a wonderful way to get back at terrorists and bad people, no one wanted to sleep with a tainted spy. She wanted his ejaculate in her pussy, just as badly as their government wanted answers so that bad guys could be killed. She was sucking on the tip of his penis, just gently flicking her tongue around the head. She saw in her mind the body of a guard as it fell over the railing. She heard the sickening crack as it hit the pavement below. It coincided with a slight shudder in the man as his body was filled with pleasure. Foreplay could not last long, however. They would soon be dead and needed to fuck quickly. For if they did not, it would never happen. For her, this brief delay was acceptable because of her need to suck one last cock before she could never suck another again.
They became one conscious body and mind as they fucked. Together, they shared memories of torturing terrorists and murdering those that prevented access to terrorists. As his cock rubbed against the edges of her pussy, a knife cut the flesh of a bad guy's throat and blood began spurting out. They imagined the water was a flowing stream of blood, soaking their bodies. It was the blood of success. They had served their government bravely and now they would continue to fuck. The water continued to fill up until it was just about at their faces. The man, through some strange maneuver, was able to hoist the woman's cunt and his own cock into the tiny accessible space above them and shoot his proud cum into her. She too, would come, exactly when he did. They would float on the surface of the water, imagined refugees of a destroyed military vessel that they were nearly killed protecting. However, defending a ship had never been so pleasurable. The two began to cough as water filled their lungs. They died with his cock still inside of her, his cum coating her insides. These two, engaged in such intense fuck, had died as heroes because they killed enemies.
Seeing Miley Cyrus Live
Last night I saw Miley Cyrus live. It was so cool!
The doors were opening at 4, so I got to the mall at around 2PM, and was on line inside at around 2:08 PM. Even though I was early, the line stretched from the doors of the venue all the way to past the food court. The length of the line was intimidating, which filled my '<3' with ':S'.
Everyone walking past, just going about their day, would gawk at the line. Sometimes we would go 'Woooooo!' as they passed to make them go '?' and then we'd 'lol' in our hands. This cheered me up a bit. Also, I talked to a few girls behind me about where they came from. They were from Boston and had Miley Cyrus baseball jerseys on. They played for an all-girls little league team, the Robert's Pizza Miley Cyruses. Too cool!
A little bit later, Miley Cyrus came by and cut in line in front of the baseball girls. I was standing NEXT TO Miley Cyrus! She looked at me and smiled in her Miley Cyrus way, and I stared at her face. Then she spoke:
'Are you here to see Miley Cyrus? :)'
'Yes!
'Want to be best friends?'
':-OOOO'
'Hehe, you're funny. You also have four mouths.'
'Now just one: :-)'
'Oooh! You look much cuter with one. Your nose is a little long though :\'
'Is this better? :)'
'Yessss! You cut yours off like me! VERY cool. :)'
I felt like the luckiest grown man in the world. We talked and talked, hitting it off and off, reciting our favorite Bukowski poems in grizzled Bukowski voices and cracking each other up. It was the most fun I ever had with someone while waiting to see them.
When the line started moving inside, she grabbed my hand and held it tight.
'I don't want to lose you in the movement of people!' she said.
'Me either, Miley.' A tear came in my eye, but I brushed it away.
As we entered, she hurried me over to her favorite table of the venue. When the waitress came by we both ordered virgin Long Island Iced Teas. We only got to have a few sips before Miley had to go perform in the show.
As she hurried off, the lights went down. Then, bright lights on the stage as her whole band was suddenly there, performing wildly. Everyone went wild! The cuts and dissolves were amazing. I didn't even realize I was watching a commercial until everyone faded into a giant Coca Cola logo.
Then, the giant TV screen curtain came up and there was Miley, LIVE! She launched into her hit, and then another hit, and then another hit. After every few songs, she'd stop and talk to the audience, always in a raspy Bukowski voice. This was her letting me know she cared.
She told the audience stories about New Orleans, back when Jazz was first being invented. She talked about Jelly Roll Morton and Cinnabon Jim. Back then, all those guys were sponsored by sweets companies, so why were people making so much of a fuss about sponsorships now? The crowd retweeted in agreement.
After the show, Miley and I walked around NYC talking about current events. When the topic of pedophilia came up, it turned out she was a staunch supporter! How lucky, I felt, to find someone who shared my beliefs.
Later, I gave her a promise ring and told her I loved her. She told me she loved me too, and began to nibble the candy jewel. I stopped her and told her that if she loved me, she would not eat the ring pop until our wedding night. She nodded in her Miley way.
I hailed her a private jet and she took it home. I was to visit her in LA on her dime next month when her tour was over. We were to be married in a hotel bed, naked, protesting a war or something. Months later, I would be assassinated, and her music would get better and better.
R.I.P. Cody Clarke (1972-2010)
The doors were opening at 4, so I got to the mall at around 2PM, and was on line inside at around 2:08 PM. Even though I was early, the line stretched from the doors of the venue all the way to past the food court. The length of the line was intimidating, which filled my '<3' with ':S'.
Everyone walking past, just going about their day, would gawk at the line. Sometimes we would go 'Woooooo!' as they passed to make them go '?' and then we'd 'lol' in our hands. This cheered me up a bit. Also, I talked to a few girls behind me about where they came from. They were from Boston and had Miley Cyrus baseball jerseys on. They played for an all-girls little league team, the Robert's Pizza Miley Cyruses. Too cool!
A little bit later, Miley Cyrus came by and cut in line in front of the baseball girls. I was standing NEXT TO Miley Cyrus! She looked at me and smiled in her Miley Cyrus way, and I stared at her face. Then she spoke:
'Are you here to see Miley Cyrus? :)'
'Yes!
'Want to be best friends?'
':-OOOO'
'Hehe, you're funny. You also have four mouths.'
'Now just one: :-)'
'Oooh! You look much cuter with one. Your nose is a little long though :\'
'Is this better? :)'
'Yessss! You cut yours off like me! VERY cool. :)'
I felt like the luckiest grown man in the world. We talked and talked, hitting it off and off, reciting our favorite Bukowski poems in grizzled Bukowski voices and cracking each other up. It was the most fun I ever had with someone while waiting to see them.
When the line started moving inside, she grabbed my hand and held it tight.
'I don't want to lose you in the movement of people!' she said.
'Me either, Miley.' A tear came in my eye, but I brushed it away.
As we entered, she hurried me over to her favorite table of the venue. When the waitress came by we both ordered virgin Long Island Iced Teas. We only got to have a few sips before Miley had to go perform in the show.
As she hurried off, the lights went down. Then, bright lights on the stage as her whole band was suddenly there, performing wildly. Everyone went wild! The cuts and dissolves were amazing. I didn't even realize I was watching a commercial until everyone faded into a giant Coca Cola logo.
Then, the giant TV screen curtain came up and there was Miley, LIVE! She launched into her hit, and then another hit, and then another hit. After every few songs, she'd stop and talk to the audience, always in a raspy Bukowski voice. This was her letting me know she cared.
She told the audience stories about New Orleans, back when Jazz was first being invented. She talked about Jelly Roll Morton and Cinnabon Jim. Back then, all those guys were sponsored by sweets companies, so why were people making so much of a fuss about sponsorships now? The crowd retweeted in agreement.
After the show, Miley and I walked around NYC talking about current events. When the topic of pedophilia came up, it turned out she was a staunch supporter! How lucky, I felt, to find someone who shared my beliefs.
Later, I gave her a promise ring and told her I loved her. She told me she loved me too, and began to nibble the candy jewel. I stopped her and told her that if she loved me, she would not eat the ring pop until our wedding night. She nodded in her Miley way.
I hailed her a private jet and she took it home. I was to visit her in LA on her dime next month when her tour was over. We were to be married in a hotel bed, naked, protesting a war or something. Months later, I would be assassinated, and her music would get better and better.
R.I.P. Cody Clarke (1972-2010)
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Beastiality
Beauty and The Beast sat down to dinner one evening. The Beast was wearing a king's outfit. Beauty was wearing lingerie. It was Halloween.
"Pass the gravy," said Beauty. The Beast passed the gravy to her. She poured the gravy on her mashed potatoes like the shit grew on trees.
"Does that gravy grow on trees?" The Beast asked. Beauty ignored him. He asked this every time they had gravy.
Beauty slid the gravy back angrily. It sploshed all over The Beast's food.
"Rargh!" The Beast exclaimed. The Beast hated extra gravy more than walnuts. Beauty stifled a laugh.
"What's so funny?" The Beast asked.
"Nothing," said Beauty.
The Beast pushed lots of things off the table. They crashed to the floor with ease. All the appliances and utensils that were sentient beings were injured by this.
"Do you see what you make me do?" The Beast asked.
"I don't," Beauty replied. She had been blind many years from a rogue cum shot.
"How convenient," said The Beast. He stormed towards her with a fervor and picked her up out of her seat. She pounded and pounded on his back with her fists as he carried her all the way to the bed room upstairs and tossed her violently onto the bed.
"How dare you," said Beauty.
"Time for dick," said The Beast. He pulled out his fully hairy dick and dicked her then and there. Beauty moaned in delight like a delightful woman. He knew she was not one, but he dicked her anyway.
"Dick me harder," Beauty pleaded.
The Beast dicked her hard like a crossbow full of dick bolts.
"Perfect," said Beauty, "I am making cum."
Beauty made cum and it shot down her labia and out over The Beast's dick. His dick was so aroused by Beauty's cum shot that he in turn shot a few cum shots up into Beauty. Then, Beauty dripped his cum back out onto his dick and he came a second time from the sensation of this.
"I apologize for the gravy," said Beauty, with a sigh.
The Beast ripped open her chest and devoured her insides. He kept eating and eating until she was just bones and bits of sinew on the bed. He was, after all, a beast.
Later he went out and got himself a bunch of new women. Women with no cunty dispositions.
Moral: A bitch in time =/= nine.
"Pass the gravy," said Beauty. The Beast passed the gravy to her. She poured the gravy on her mashed potatoes like the shit grew on trees.
"Does that gravy grow on trees?" The Beast asked. Beauty ignored him. He asked this every time they had gravy.
Beauty slid the gravy back angrily. It sploshed all over The Beast's food.
"Rargh!" The Beast exclaimed. The Beast hated extra gravy more than walnuts. Beauty stifled a laugh.
"What's so funny?" The Beast asked.
"Nothing," said Beauty.
The Beast pushed lots of things off the table. They crashed to the floor with ease. All the appliances and utensils that were sentient beings were injured by this.
"Do you see what you make me do?" The Beast asked.
"I don't," Beauty replied. She had been blind many years from a rogue cum shot.
"How convenient," said The Beast. He stormed towards her with a fervor and picked her up out of her seat. She pounded and pounded on his back with her fists as he carried her all the way to the bed room upstairs and tossed her violently onto the bed.
"How dare you," said Beauty.
"Time for dick," said The Beast. He pulled out his fully hairy dick and dicked her then and there. Beauty moaned in delight like a delightful woman. He knew she was not one, but he dicked her anyway.
"Dick me harder," Beauty pleaded.
The Beast dicked her hard like a crossbow full of dick bolts.
"Perfect," said Beauty, "I am making cum."
Beauty made cum and it shot down her labia and out over The Beast's dick. His dick was so aroused by Beauty's cum shot that he in turn shot a few cum shots up into Beauty. Then, Beauty dripped his cum back out onto his dick and he came a second time from the sensation of this.
"I apologize for the gravy," said Beauty, with a sigh.
The Beast ripped open her chest and devoured her insides. He kept eating and eating until she was just bones and bits of sinew on the bed. He was, after all, a beast.
Later he went out and got himself a bunch of new women. Women with no cunty dispositions.
Moral: A bitch in time =/= nine.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Famous Smut-Related Quotes
"Tis' a small cock for man but one giant cock for a kind man-child" - Buzz Aldrin
"Four whores and seven beers ago our foreplay bonked forth this great pair of knockers" - Albert Lincoln
"Fuck is our response to our highest erections, and can be nothing else" - Any Rand
"Fuck without pussy is lame, eyes without fuck is blind" - 'Detroit' Abraham Einstein
"100% of thrust you don't make don't go in her pussy" - Bruce Wayne Gretzky
"kcuF" - remlaP aruaL
"An eye for an eye and the whole world has cum eye" - Gumbi
"Four whores and seven beers ago our foreplay bonked forth this great pair of knockers" - Albert Lincoln
"Fuck is our response to our highest erections, and can be nothing else" - Any Rand
"Fuck without pussy is lame, eyes without fuck is blind" - 'Detroit' Abraham Einstein
"100% of thrust you don't make don't go in her pussy" - Bruce Wayne Gretzky
"kcuF" - remlaP aruaL
"An eye for an eye and the whole world has cum eye" - Gumbi
Unsafe Sexnet; Senior Thesis
Today the internet connects millions of cocks and gavs ("gav" is an internet slang term for "vagina") around the world. It is considered the great pornographic product of the information age, and massive corporate projects have been undertaken to increase its sex appeal to teens and young boys interested in computers. However, the potential for sexual bodily harm is a serious issue facing internet safety experts in the already well endowed nations. Oftentimes the victims of computer related sexual injuries have only just crossed the digital divide, usually coming prematurely, according to sexual sociologists. The predominant safety issue today involves the modification of computer hardware to accommodate human sex organs as direct input devices.
Connecting one's part ("part" is a gender neutral term used on the net that refers to the personal sex organs) to the ports on a personal computer has long been considered risky, but no serious study has been published detailing the possible negative side effects, and sexual hardware manufacturers exert powerful influence over policy makers through lobbying and PR. This has left many governments mostly powerless to stop the practice of "dialing in" to a computer with your dick. Indeed, with the recent introduction of the Personal Cock-Computer Interface (PCCI) onto the market by eCum Ltd, the problem appears more severe than ever.
According to urban legends, some eager boys' dicks have been completely absorbed into the information stream of the world wide web from use of the PCCI. So the rumors go, dicks and gavs, once dialed into a PC physically, immediately become at risk of being converted into information. In one instance, in London, a young boy allegedly "went in after his little cock", according to a friend, and remains in a coma at hospital. This has led to widespread social hysteria surrounding the use of PCCI and other part-port devices. Several firms have taken advantage of the public outcry and have produced a great variety of software programs which advertise the ability to recover assimilated sex parts. These programs often sport interfaces similar to the latest and most popular video games. From the PCCI scandal has risen an immense online community full of speculation, conspiracy theories, and pseudo-scientific examinations of the phenomena that has become known by part-port enthusiasts as "horny ghosting".
Seemingly little can be done to curb either the spellbinding appeal that the part-port world has cast on waiting young boys' cocks, or the growing number of cases of horny ghosting. Until more scientific investigation takes place, the spontaneous digitalizing of young dicks and throbbing waiting gavs can only be considered the stuff of science fiction and fearful hysteria. Nonetheless, the part-port world will require close scrutiny as the world moves into the era of internet-enabled global sexual connectedness.
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